hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
