I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
