Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
They have beer where we have blood.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
