He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
