he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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