Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize