he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
