your room smells of hookers.
And success
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
