I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
