So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
