Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
