Dual....:-)
id be glad to
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My bed is full of blood and feathers
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
