So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
worst night to have a conscience
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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