There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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