Your dad touched me again.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
