It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
