I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
