I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize