Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
