Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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