your parents love me but you hate me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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