i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
