its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
