I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
