those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Best friends brother. Beat that.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
