They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
