guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
