About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
