Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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