The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
