I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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