Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
