Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
