So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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