Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
