ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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