i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
