I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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