I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
