Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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