Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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