what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
