i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
