Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
