Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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