Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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