I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
