awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
