Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
