So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
