She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I believe in your delicious
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
