im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
