You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
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I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
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There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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