so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
