I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
