addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
