i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
