How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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