Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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