At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
