Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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