How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
