I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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