sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
