Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
