Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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