Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
