shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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