im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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