I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
