i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
