U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my being single is dangerous.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
