I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
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you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
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Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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