I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
