Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
