did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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