i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
