you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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