it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
