this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
