Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
