when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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