you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
