I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
