Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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