see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
